Miracle on Lombard Street

I happened to look at my Driver's License a few weeks ago (it's surprising how rarely that happens for something I have on me at all times) and had a sudden panic attack -- it was set to expire on my birthday in January. Now, clearly that's a ways in the future but my horror didn't stem from the deadline so much as the realization I was going to have to deal with the DMV.

Oh that universally-hated level of hell that is the DMV, with its interminable queues, ESL-speaking clerks, and frustrations galore. I have painful memories of getting my CA license the first time when my WY one finally expired. It was 2001, I think -- at least that's what my old license says. There aren't too many Wyoming driver's licenses in the world, and I was disinclined to give up mine, though even I am a little surprised I was here for 4 1/2 years before giving in.

So at the DMV, due to a weird California rule requiring you to get a CA license within 10 days of moving here or getting a job, I had to lie first of all, and I'm a terrible liar. Thankfully I did not have to take the driving test back then, and I passed the written exam relatively easily. But there was also the issue of establishing my citizen status, since apparently a license from another state is not adequate, and my expired passport still had a photo of me as a 1st grader. Try explaining to a Russian woman that I'm really a US citizen despite my birth certificate being written in German, and that, since it wasn't stated anywhere that the State Department papers explaining this had to notorized or original, the copy I had ought to suffice because otherwise it'd be months before I could get an official copy through normal channels.

Anyhoodle, I didn't relish the thought of dealing with that place in any way, so I immediately went to the internet to figure out how to renew online or via mail. Frustratingly, it said I could renew online but only after they'd sent me an official registration number. But I could not request this number nor would they explain when it might be sent if it was to come at all.

Low and behold, last Monday my number arrived in the mail all on its own, so online I went. The process was as easy as confirming my address, entering the number, verifying nothing about my record, eyesight or medical history had changed, and hitting 'submit'. It made no claims about when my new license would arrive, leaving me to imagine the worst. And that was that.

I shit you not, my new license arrived today. Four days later! I'm stunned. Shocked. Awed, even. When doing it originally, it took over a month to arrive.

Also, it's good until frickin' 2012. !!! I mean, I've seen dates past 2009 in print before, but it all seems so far in the distant future as to not concern me much -- Arctic ice gone by 2040, people on the moon in 2020, Bay Bridge complete in 2013. Whatev. But shit, I'll have this same piece of plastic in 2012! 5 years doesn't seem like a long time, but damn does 2012 seem like forever from now. Yet it's not - it's right around the corner. Right there, in print, on my freshly-renewed pain-free driver's license.