Green Disease

So, it being the start of a new year and all, I did a very adult thing and decided to drop a lump sum into my Roth IRA rather than make regular deposits throughout the year (the better to earn interest, my dear). This, then, got me to thinking about my 401k.

Since they stopped sending paper statements, I've paid little to no attention to this account, which, it turns out is probably a good thing. Now, I'm far from a financially responsible person, believe me, but I have been funneling a certain percentage of every paycheck away since I was eligible to do so, and I just pretend that money does not exist.

Well, I dug up my login info and had a little look-see, and suddenly wished I hadn't. The problem is, of course, that this is retirement money and that I can't actually do anything with it now, unless I wanted to take a loan against it, which I'll only do when I decide to buy a house and/or have a steady secure income doing the thing I foresee me doing for a while so I can pay it back.

Anyway, so here I was, staring at my screen, salivating and calculating and gnashing my teeth. Don't get me wrong, it's not a mint vault or anything. But it's certainly a fistful of dollars more than I have currently available with which to, you know, buy a new iPhone (Mmmm, sexy Apple gadget.... alalglgllgghghgh....).

And I was overcome with this terrible greedy impatience. I actually started doing math. Math! for crying out loud. And here's what I learned: at the current rate of return, if I quit my job and ceased making payments, it'll take 25 years before I'm a millionaire. And that seems too far away and like still not enough.

What's happened to me?